sa dagat: kapag hindi napapanahon

I could already count the days until I say good-bye to my beloved Mindoro. All the things I thought I needed to do for CEDC for transition to a local personnel are all ready.

The media kit I wrote throughout the entire year, based on our dinner table discussions and what I’ve learned from college, got some praise from my partner. Quint was much harder to please with work than Fr. Mimo, so that is a good sign. Sharon, my replacement in CEDC, and I have discussed the media literacy modules I formulated for grade school, high school and college students.

Our last few days in Mindoro (Quint, Adette and I) were mostly spent visiting friends we have made throughout the year. Instead of work, there were get-togethers every night. And to put everything in perspective, Mimo prepared a recollection for the CEDC staff. Parting gifts were given, fond memories were shared and spiritual encounters for the year were revealed.

During the retreat, good sprits were in the air. I looked at each and every person I have lived during the year. People who have become my friends. People who have shown me a world so different from my own. People who have unknowingly shown me the God I was searching for. Indeed, my heart lays heavy with the sadness of parting yet it also rejoices at the wonderful experience of knowing that it was a year lived with much love, sincerity and freedom.

The retreat ended and after dinner, the staff decided to go to Suqui beach. Suqui beach was one of my favorite places in Mindoro. The sands were gray but the water was very clean and it had a spectacular view of the two little islands reachable by a small boat in 15 minutes.

But it was night, so the sea and the islands were mere shadows of the night. But the moon was full and the tides were strong. The waves’ white caps shimmered in the moonlight.

Everyone was down at the beach battling the waves. Mimo and I were left on top of the trust CEDC car talking about the year that was and what I choose the next year will be.

It was already late March and I still was unsure whether I will be renewing or not. I sent a resume to 5 and Up, but then I also found out they hired somebody already. December of last year, I said to myself renewing is not an option anymore. And lived the rest of my volunteer year just relishing Mindoro,

Until one day I literally hear a voice in my head while waiting for a tricycle to work. “Mag-renew ka.” As simple as that. It felt like an order. But an order I was not ready for. But once I heard that voice, my own mind kept repeating it to myself already.

It was tough. One of my options was to stay in Mindoro for another six months to see the plans I made through. And to continue living the wonderful life I had.

And I told Mimo I wanted that. And he nodded. And then I cried. “Pero pakiramdam ko hindi ako makakabalik bilang Mindoreño. Pakiramdam ko dapat ako mag-renew.”

And he nodded and smiled. “Baka nga hindi ka para sa Mindoro ngayon. Masyadong maliit ang Mindoro para sa isang tulad mo.”

And it felt so wrong to be told that when all I wanted was to be with Mindoro forever. And it felt more wrong to know Mimo was right. I cried and cried while my partners and CEDC staff continued to hold hands and fight the waves, laughing as it crushed them again and again. The waves always won, but they had fun anyway.

Mimo hugged me. Like the foster father he always had been, he soothed me. “Mahal ka ng Mindoro, Angie. Katulad ng pagmamahal mo sa kanya. Lagi kang may babalikan.”

And I hugged him back. Clinging to one of the best memories I have of A beautiful life. I looked at the different hues of black and blue in front of me. The pulo, the ocean, the beach, my friends. Mindoro.

It wasn’t our time. And until now, I am not sure when our time will be. But Mimo did not lie to me. Lagi akong may babalikan sa Mindoro.
Someone is always there. The ONE who brought me there in the first place. Him who wooed me. And He knows Mindoro is where I best fall in love with Him.