my true love

A text alert broke my concentration from a survey I was answering since I haven’t gotten into the mood for after-lunch work. It was an unregistered number which wasn’t really surprising since I lost my phone more than a month ago. The message was from Divine telling me she has arrived in Calapan. We lasted for a few more exchanges as I go on my usual ranting to new Mindoro volunteers to be open to the place for Mindoro loves dearly and passionately.

Ahh… my dearest, dearest Mindoro. Right now, as I am typing, my heart swells with pride and love and longing as nostalgia grips my soul.

Mindoro, Mindoro, Mindoro. The very taste of the word is sweet and succulent like freshly picked rambutan from my old Tawiran home in Calapan while I was still a Jesuit Volunteer. Mindoro, Mindoro, Mindoro. The very memory of it makes me salivate as if peeled green mangoes and bagoong were right before me. Mindoro, Mindoro, Mindoro. The mere mention of its name makes my heart race and my stomach quiver as if I just ate cholesterol-rich kare-kare.

Sigh.

Mindoro. Memories of a life lived with much freedom and generosity and contentment. A time where all that mattered was loving and giving fully without expecting anything in return. And yet, I was loved back with much understanding and forgiveness.

Yet my love story with Mindoro is somewhat of a tragicomedy. Of loving passionately but without consummation. Of much desire but without opportunity. Of finding THE one but not being right for it at the moment. And yet I remain fiercely, steadfastly loyal, sometimes to a fault that I have closed myself to others whom I can love as well.

There was one particular starry night around four years ago where with four other kindred spirits I lay on the cemented path in front of the seminary chapel staring the infinite darkness of the night sky patiently waiting for a shooting star to wish on that I made a foolish vow with reasonable conditions.

To my diminutive adopted little brother I turned and said, “Otits, Ga, Kung 30 na ako at wala pang nahahanap na tao para sa akin o hindi masaya sa trabaho, babalik ako dito sa Mindoro. Dito na ako magpapakatandang dalaga.”

To which he answered, “Ga, talaga? Huwag kang mag-alala. Dun ka sa malapit sa amin titira para maalagaan ka din ng mga anak ko kapag kasal na kami ni…”

A year later, I upped by vow to 35 after I realized that 30 is way too young to make a decision like that. A few months after, Ga broke up with…

And now that I am in Davao… it seems like I am drifting further and further away from my beloved. Not only by proximity, but the life I have been leading seems to be quietly letting Mindoro go bit by bit. It saddens me for I remain passionately in-love with it. I change my vow and pledge to come back when we are ready for each other once again.

Mindoro has changed much. So have I. Yet that thread that binds us, much like the silk from a spider’s womb, seemingly fragile yet resilient, deceivingly invisible yet quite present.

Mindoro, Mindoro, Mindoro. You shall forever be my one true love. Every mention of your name shall bring back the taste of bittersweet memories that brought me where I am now.

I love you. I love you with much passion.

(sigh. I so wish to be there right now.)